I came back from out of town and spent a long, heavy, day of yard work. She was very happy with the work and was hinting towards some bedroom action. I was tired and my back was hurting in a bad way. Sadly, she had started with a beer with dinner and graduated to wine shortly thereafter. I tried to keep interested but it soon progressed to sloppy drunk and was not going to be worth the effort. She passeed out/went to bed hinting that I should come join her. I peeked in and she was snoring. When I went to bed, she looked great. The morning would be better.
I woke up before her again and started kissing her. I could tell she was a bit woosy from the night before and she tried using the excuse that she thought the kids were awake. I assured her that they were not. Then she tried saying that she didn’t want to be ‘dripping’ all day. I countered that I would pull out if it made it any easier for her. I was desperate.
She took her shorts off and I spooned up behind her. She started rubbing me and was kissing the back of her neck. She inserted my penis inside her from behind and we were screwing. There’s a mirror on her side of the bed and her expression was a mix of semi-excitement and looking like she was going to hurl. It kind of was killing the mood for me as well. I moved a bit more so that I was on top – but still behind her so I didn’t have to look at the expression in the mirror. She started getting more into what we were doing. She said it was okay to cum inside her – she would deal with it. For a brief moment, I thought there would be a chance for some mutual happiness. I was wrong.
We have a very busy weekend planned, I asked her if she was up for some more fun. She didn’t cockblock me like she would normally do. Maybe there’s hope?
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: alcohol, communication, masturbation, relationships, Self Pleasure, sexual observations, Spouses, touching
Just to update the status of my life so far this year:
Things with my wife have been better than 2007 started out.
Communication has improved but still nowhere near where I would care for it to be. I have continued trying – not giving up like I had resolved last year. She had said she would improve but that only held for two or three days. It has returned to the usual level of ‘not much’ for her.
Sex has been more frequent – twice this year and four times in the last 24 days. That’s pretty much a record compared to the past year. It’s a very sad data report – but at least it’s better than 12 times in 12 months. I think that there’s hope. I also have come to the reality that I think that in my mind that I would like something sexual to happen at least once a week. I don’t want to say that I would expect it, but it would be nice to at least have something to count on. I don’t want it to be ’scheduled’ and I would love some more spontaneity in our lives. I will try to talk to her more about that – I already brought it up once but I think that she was drunk and will not have remembered it.
Drinking. I feel that this will be a big issue this year. If I ‘allow’ her to drink, I have a much better shot at the more frequent sex. It’s not that I forbid her – I just really discourage it because she’s so volatile. I am convinced that some of the strangeness is a mix of the alcohol and her diet pills/shakes/etc. I don’t know how to get through that issue. I just can’t rely on her to be a responsible parent FIRST if she drinks. I would love to enjoy a glass of wine with her and to come home and have a tall cocktail certain days. Weekend mimosas would be a welcome change as well. It’s just I can’t be a hypocrite and condone it sometimes and not others. This causes me too much thought and weighing the future of our lives together versus satisfying my sexual wants.
Touching. I long – no I need – to be touched. This is not necessarily sexual, but I want to have my hand held. I want to be hugged. I want to snuggle. I have brought this up too many times and for that two day period in December – I received it. I was happy. I felt better. My days were better. Best Friend has been through a lot in the past 30 days and we have tried to see if we could get together for a cuddle session. That has not worked and I have found myself coming to a reality that it may not work. I believe that we both need it and that it would be beneficial to us both. Still nothing sexual, but no matter what – the risks of being found out weigh heavily. Last month we met at a bar in a restaurant and just sat next to each other – shoulder to shoulder and held hands while we talked. If one of her co-workers or one of my family members had been at that restaurant that night – there’s no way to explain it to them. If B.F.’s husband had come in – he would have gone ballistic. If my wife had shown up – I honestly feel that she would ultimately understand – but that’s just that she does trust me. If we were kissing or something else – she would cut my pecker off. I just need to be touched more.
Masturbation. I have lots of issues with this subject. First and foremost, I feel strongly that if you feel the need to pleasure yourself because you’re not getting that ‘release’ with your spouse – that you should work together more on that. If you do it just because you can or feel that you need to – there’s some deeper issues that need looking at. Having kids raises more issues as well as I don’t want them to think of it as ‘dirty’ but I also want them to walk in on dad cranking one out to naked pictures of mom. My original plan for the year – based upon the communications that we had about being more open and more sexual – was that any pleasure would be done with the other person unless we were out of town, etc. There’s just been a few times already that I haven’t been able to go without it. More talking needs to occur here and I need to work out these other feelings/thoughts.
Friends. I need to reach out more to our friends. Mutual friends, our own friends, old friends. My social life sucks and we need to get out more and have more people over. I think that part of our problems revolve around that our lives revolve around eachother, work, and our household. We need that communication and adult conversation (that’s conversation with adults).
To wrap it all up – progress has been made – we still have a lot of work in others. I need to think more clearly on the good/bad of choices that I have made or need to make.
