Filed under: Sexual History | Tags: Sex Observations, Sexual History, purpose of this blog
In looking at my current situation, I have to look back at my life. Mostly this is to see if I can see a pattern or to see if I can see possible reasons for my current situation.
All of this brings me to the purpose of this blog. I need to type out my frustrations – mostly to be able to look back and see things. Who knows how long my memory will hold out. I didn’t intend to make this a public blog at first, just a repository for my thoughts and actions. Then I figured that it didn’t make a difference. I keep it as anonymous as possible and see what others may be going through. Maybe others have been in the same boat and made decisions that they wish they could change. Maybe others have come through happier than ever. I guess this give the opportunity to see what has been done and to possibly help guide me to better decision making.
Filed under: Sexual History | Tags: Friends, Sex Observations, Spouses, Making Love, Having Sex, Self Pleasure, Sexual History, sexual partners, what is normal, std, female friends, relationships
In looking at my current situation, I have to look back at my life. Mostly this is to see if I can see a pattern or to see if I can see possible reasons for my current situation.
Not that I am proud of nineteen sexual partners in my life – I don’t know what is ‘normal’ and what isn’t. I know of guys that had hit fifty partners by twenty-one – it was a game to him. There was also one guy who had only had four during this same period as me. I have had friends that were girls that would have seven to ten – PER WEEK. Did I ever judge them for that? No, they were having fun. Hell, we all were.
STD’s were around during this time but again – for the most part – all curable. Although AIDS was around, it was pretty much a ‘gay’ or ‘needle/drug’ issue and that was not the circle I was in. I remember my first blood test for AIDS, it was for a health policy physical. I was truly scared because some of the partners had had so many other partners. I remember the posters along the lines of ‘You’re not just having sex with that person, you’re having sex with everyone that person has had sex with.’ [shudder] I passed then and have passed any subsequent tests as well so I feel fairly confident that I dodged that bullet. Today, I don’t think the odds are so favorable and sex without a condom in this day and age is just too freakin’ scary.
I am happy that I was able to keep most SP’s as friends after the relationship ended. I don’t necessarily know why it ended up this way but I think I’m very fortunate.
In retrospect, I think I can say that sex among friends does not help and mostly just hurts relationships – especially on the short term horizon. You both may get over it over time, but pretty much I do believe that it does not help. I do believe that friends can offer the best advice to you, and that there’s nothing wrong with some nakedness between friends. I’m not talking sex, but just honest opinions. If someone tells you that you are fat – show your friend a nude photo – they’ll tell you. If you think you need some work done somewhere – show them your ass – they’ll tell you. That is a good friend.
In thinking about all of this I have also been way lucky to always have female friends. I had male friends too, just very rare. Again, I don’t know if I was just ‘safe’ to them or what – but having female friends gives you a lot more insight to the ‘other side’ and also allows you to not wonder blindly what’s going on in life.
It saddens me in recognizing how much liquor and drugs ruled my relationships. Drugs could be good in that they can be social – the problem is that once you cross that line from being ‘social’ to a ‘need’ – it’s too late for you. I was lucky that I did not get busted or have some long term issues with drugs. I know too many that luck ran out for and they are dead, in prison, divorced, or worse – still hooked.
It also was sad to notice how short-sighted and mean I can be. I seem to put a lot of emphasis on looks – but I believe that we all do. You seem to attract people most like you. Yes there are exceptions, but I think that for the most part it holds true. Not moving forward with a relationship or choosing to end one just because the grass may be greener somewhere else is short-sighted. BUT – I have to add – trying to force someone to make a decision when a decision is not necessary is bad for relationships as well.
I think that ultimately we are all raised thinking that the ‘perfect’ life is getting married, having kids, and growing old. That’s crap. We should all experiment (safely, and in controlled settings) to see what we like and what is out there. Sometimes you could find the ‘one’ during this search – but again, it’s about the journey as well. Maybe we are meant to live first and then settle down and love?
Am I a better man for all of these relationships? Did my journey shape who I am now? If I had not had a relationship, would that have changed an event in my past?
As I turned forty – hell, when I turned thirty nine – my life was moving in a way that mostly confused me. Being married turned more into a chore – it’s hard keeping it going. It gets harder as time goes by. There are days that it seems better to quit – but I am not a quitter. Kids add something else to the mix as I over postulate what would happen to them.
Filed under: Sexual History | Tags: gynecological, Sex Observations, Sexual History, shaving, snip, Spouses, vasectomy
In looking at my current situation, I have to look back at my life. Mostly this is to see if I can see a pattern or to see if I can see possible reasons for my current situation.
Not long after number two was born, we quickly addressed the notion that we did not want to have any more children. With the relative ease that number two came along, neither of us wanted to risk a number three. We investigated the options – either her or me. I’m a bit of a penny pincher and to snip me would only cost a $30 co-pay – her surgery would have been $1,200. You don’t think about the way future at that time as being any different from the present so it made more sense to me at that time.
The doctor advised us to wait a year, until number two was about a year old so that we could gauge better that she would be well in case we wanted another. We used condoms and some vaginal gel sheet contraceptive that kind of put a damper on the ol’ sexual homestead. After the 1st birthday, I made the appointment.
Having anything done to or around your penis is pretty scary. I remember that I was supposed to shave my pubic area and scrotum. That was to be a sexual thing for us – but put a razor in your lover’s hand in THAT area and you can’t get too excited anymore.
I went in for the procedure and got to witness what my wife told me is just the embarrassment of gynecological exams. Sit back on a table, feet apart, knees in the air and people looking at your junk. Of course, the table faced the door and for some reason, a nurse kept having to come into the room to ask a question and another nurse was watching the procedure so I had two to four people looking at my balls for about twenty minutes.
I went home and had to sleep for a few days with bags of frozen peas in my underwear to keep the swelling down. During this time, child number one came running into the bedroom and stepped squarely on my crotch. I had to go to the doctor to make sure that nothing had ripped loose. Ouch, that hurts just typing it.
Filed under: Sexual History | Tags: Spouses, Making Love, Having Sex, Sexual History, pregnant sex, conception
In looking at my current situation, I have to look back at my life. Mostly this is to see if I can see a pattern or to see if I can see possible reasons for my current situation.
Talk, with my wife, eventually came to kids and the fact that we both wanted two. We tried for almost a year to successfully make a child – this was prior to the multiple-birth drugs that they hand out nowadays. Trying to make a child is fun. She would read a magazine or book that said something and we’d try that. She’d call me at work and tell me it was a perfect time and I’d run home and try. There was a time that it did become a bit more like work, but I was the trooper!
We finally were successful and sex with a pregnant lady was mighty fine. Her normally 34B chest grew immensely and the whole thing was just kind of sexy. I remember joking that our baby would come out with dents in his head from my penis.
After baby sex was still nice, once it resumed. Her job situation changed in that we needed to take care of this baby and it just made sense to have her work with me. It was nice in that we didn’t have childcare expenses, we got to see eachother, and we still had money coming in. After she had healed we started back to the old ways. The baby would be asleep in our bed and I’d try to make love without waking the baby. We would have sex at work often and I remember the day and the location where we were when we conceived child number two. It’s kind of funny how you try so hard to conceive and the next one is successful rather quickly without any special plans.
Sex started to be a bit less around this time. Pregnant sex was not as exciting this time around and I think I remember that it made her a bit motion sick. Working together during this time was starting to rub us the wrong way in that we spent ALL of our time together. Pretty much the only time we weren’t together was if I worked a show. Things just changed a bit in that we wouldn’t have conversations like ‘how was your day?’ because we had been together the whole day. We KNEW how the other’s day was! After number two was born, we decided that it would be best if she stayed at home with the kids.
Filed under: Sexual History | Tags: affair, Friends, Having Sex, indiscretion, Sex Observations, Sexual History
In looking at my current situation, I have to look back at my life. Mostly this is to see if I can see a pattern or to see if I can see possible reasons for my current situation.
I married a beautiful lady who obviously thought I was beautiful enough to accept the proposal. That should have been enough for me. I still had a lot of female friends and my wife didn’t complain – I had had these friends for years. Some were previous SP’s, others were just friends. I would talk to most on a fairly regular basis. For some reason, within a few months of being married, I chose to meet a previous sexual partner and I don’t remember why, but we met at our house. We had sex in my wife’s and my bed. In my mind, it was to prove to myself that I could still do it [what, ruin another relationship?] – but the grief that it caused me to have an affair was not worth it. I had to replace that bed. The decision to do that hounded me for many years – hell, it still does.
Over the years, I have tried to think if I should say anything to my wife about this indiscretion and usually end up torn between the pros and cons. Pros would be being honest. Cons would be that she realized that I was a fuck up and leave me. I have thought about this so much over the years that I almost forgot the whole event. But it’s there and will always be there no matter how much time has passed.
Filed under: Sexual History | Tags: Having Sex, Making Love, marriage, masturbation, Self Pleasure, Sex Observations, Sexual History
In looking at my current situation, I have to look back at my life. Mostly this is to see if I can see a pattern or to see if I can see possible reasons for my current situation.
We got married after our on-and-off relationship of about six years. We purchased a house and we were in love. Our lives revolved around eachother – as they should have. We traveled together, had our own jobs, shared friends, lives and got along. We talked all the time, told stories, laughed at jokes. Sex was wonderful and I recall it still being often after we got married. During this time we were less adventurous but always enjoyed it. My stamina had diminished quite a lot compared to my younger years. Knowing my limitations and using other methods – digitally or orally – I kept her happy and more willing to overlook any of my timing issues.
I remember thinking that masturbation would end with marriage. The frustration level actually got worse in that if your wife cockblocked you, what else were you going to do? I do remember that it happened much less frequently. This was the beginning of the internet porn availability so when I needed it, it was available.
Filed under: Sexual History | Tags: Having Sex, long distance relationship, oral, Sex Observations, sex with coworker, Sexual History
In looking at my current situation, I have to look back at my life. Mostly this is to see if I can see a pattern or to see if I can see possible reasons for my current situation.
Apparently you tend to date people that you spend the most time with. Work seems to be one of those factors that always pops up. You see these people on a regular basis. You see them at their highs and lows and get to know them. I was working on shows with someone and we really started hitting it off. I was in the middle of a long distance relationship (SP9) but that was strained at this time. We complimented eachother’s work very well. Some people that we were working with first accused of doing more – something that we both thought very funny. More nights of working close and late brought us closer. One night I went to see her for a work related issue. The wine was flowing and we had started kissing. She was very pretty, with dyed red hair and a cute body – but had doubts on whether she was pretty because of a scar from an accident. She knew of the long distance thing and we were both hesitant in pursuing more. This was one of those moments where we both said that we wouldn’t have intercourse. I remember performing oral sex on her until she had orgasmed three times. She had to stop me as I was really enjoying it. She mentioned that she had never done that before. We didn’t do anything more that night. Several dates later, we continued my ability to pleasure her. Eventually we had sex and it started complicating things. The long term relationship was starting to work itself out again and that stressed us both out because we both knew that given the choice, I would go that way. We had one last night together that was magical, yet sad.
SP19 Recap: Could have gone on, but I wanted to make the other relationship work.
SP19 Side Note: We stayed friends until she moved away and actually went on several double dates with my girlfriend (SP9) and her boyfriends. A different boss of mine had started dating (SP19’s) sister and we would all hang out together. If wine was involved, they would call me up. He once told me that they had several threesomes together. Who would have known?
Filed under: Sexual History | Tags: Having Sex, Sexual History, strippers, threesome
In looking at my current situation, I have to look back at my life. Mostly this is to see if I can see a pattern or to see if I can see possible reasons for my current situation.
Disclaimer – my recollection of the SP order in this series is hindered by my alcoholic and drug induced haze.
One of the bands that came through to play featured a pair of girl singers. I totally had the hots for one of them. We would flirt, drink, and do some drugs together but it never really went anywhere. After their work at my place, they decided to stay in the city for a while. I don’t remember the exact details but the band broke up and the two singers started dancing at one of the strip clubs for money. I went to their hotel one day to say hi and the singer that I was NOT interested in was getting out/into the shower. She was tall, much more endowed than I had ever thought, and much more pretty than I had remembered. I think that the other singer noticed this and got kind of jealous. I was going out of town to see a band, the band from SP17 and she agreed to go with me. Something happened where she was supposed to go with me, like in the same car but something came up. In transit, we played phone tag and she was going to meet me out there. She ended up coming to my hotel and we just hopped into bed. She had what I remember as a little ‘finger’ inside her when we were playing around. At the time I just thought it was freaky, but it probably was just a larger than normal clitoris. When I inserted my penis, it was noticeably different and brought me to climax in, oh, about a minute. This did not make her very happy and I offered to do more but was stopped. Imagine driving half a day for a rendezvous to have it end within 60 seconds! Nothing more happened sexually.
SP18 Recap: Chalk another poor performance up to killing any future.
SP18 Side Note: We stayed friends for a few years and she ended up involved with one of my bosses for almost ten years! I had my one chance at a threesome with her and her friend later in life but alas, I was married and actually made a good decision on that one. Last I heard, she still had a serious drug problem.
Filed under: Sexual History | Tags: drug sex, Friends, Having Sex, Sexual History
In looking at my current situation, I have to look back at my life. Mostly this is to see if I can see a pattern or to see if I can see possible reasons for my current situation.
Disclaimer – my recollection of the SP order in this series is hindered by my alcoholic and drug induced haze.
There was a local band that had been around forever. Their singer was a bit of a prima donna. His band did not like playing my club as I didn’t pay what they wanted. They did lots of shows in other cities so it wasn’t like they were missing anything. One time they were playing my club and as always, all the band ‘wives’ would sit at the same table every night. You get to know them all. We would hang out afterwards with them and had mutual friends that we would all hang out. It kind of became more of a drug thing and this singer’s girlfriend was hanging out with us because we had the coke. We would flirt a bit. We became friends, or as much as coke friends could be and would talk. Things were going south between the two of them and I think that she caught him with someone – go figure, a singer in a band sleeping around? Hmmm. I had asked her out and she finally agreed. We started dating and eventually got around to the sex part. She was dyed blonde, shorter, small chested. Sex usually was around the drugs so we would have sex in some weird places. I remember several times in cars, lots of times at the club. Other clubs too. Parking lots. In retrospect, the coke and alcohol pretty much ruled this one. I actually had thought that I this was the ‘one’. This was also my first relationship that I was the one that went psycho. When things started going south, she knew it before I did and tried to get out. I went a bit crazy and really chased her. For the most part that made it worse. I was a basket case and would call any ex for guidance or help. In the mean time she had a few spells – some involving breaking and entering and some employee theft so I wasn’t the only one that was strange. She became a coke-whore [one who fucks for coke] and even with those notches on her bedposts, I still continued to win her over.
She finally broke it off and I obviously recovered.
SP17 Recap: Drugs and alcohol dominated this relationship as well. I had wanted it to work but in the end, I think she was doing whatever (or whomever) just to make me go away.
SP17 Side Note: SP17 ended up marrying an ex of SP16 – small world, huh? They have an interesting relationship in that he is a sex addict and he used to say to me in later years – “Want to see naked pictures of my wife? Oh, I guess you’ve already seen her.” Fucking asshole. He has mentioned that he did get her a boob job.
Filed under: Sexual History | Tags: cocaine, Friends, Having Sex, sex with friends, Sexual History
In looking at my current situation, I have to look back at my life. Mostly this is to see if I can see a pattern or to see if I can see possible reasons for my current situation.
Disclaimer – my recollection of the SP order in this series is hindered by my alcoholic and drug induced haze.
One good thing about cocaine is that you always have friends. We actually had a very close group that hung out – drank all night, went out afterwards until the mornings. I actually do not look poorly at those times – I am happy to have had those times and the people to share them with. One of those in the group – actually, the only female, and I started talking more. Things led to another and we started dating. No, it was more like we just started having sex together. It was exciting at first as I think that we both wanted a relationship. At first we couldn’t tell the others but then it got out. We ended up parting ways but continuing the friendship.
SP16 Recap: Again, don’t sleep with your friends.
SP16 Side Note: We still had to work together for many years and being friends helped. Several years in the future we had a falling out over something that she didn’t care for and we just stopped. I miss her as we would always have good conversations and we had many mutual friends.
