Frustrated at Forty

In looking at my current situation, I have to look back at my life. Mostly this is to see if I can see a pattern or to see if I can see possible reasons for my current situation.

Around this time I started my brief obsession with what death really meant.  I had trouble dealing with relatives dying and couldn’t handle funerals.  A grandfather and a great-grandmother had died and I just couldn’t get a handle on it.  At one of the houses that partner number three and I would hang out at, there was a guy that I had met a few times but other than his name – I really didn’t know him.  He died in an accident of some sort and I decided to go to his funeral.  There was a popular night club in town that I would go to because they all thought I was twenty one because I had worked in bars and restaurants.  At the funeral, there was a girl that apparently I had been introduced to at the night club.  I did okay with the funeral, especially since I had no idea really who he was.  The babe quotient at the funeral was amazing – and they were all dressed very nicely.  After the funeral, she asked what I was doing and we went to breakfast somewhere.
We ended up at her house and had sex all afternoon.  She was about three years older, dark haired, very large breasted and worked in the radio business.  This was my second crazy partner.  She would freak out or not let me leave her house – like physically stopping me either by locking a gate, laying down under my car, or throwing me away from the door.  Sex-wise, it was great – or what I thought was great.  Still another foreshadowing event was one night while she was on the air at a rock station we were going fuck in the control room.  She put on a Led Zeppelin song that was something like eleven minutes long.  The timer on the control board counted down to how many minutes/seconds were left.  I only needed about ninety seconds.  As the relationship soured, I started applying my observations that I couldn’t look at her naked and not laugh on the inside.  Her breasts were so large that when she was laying on her back, her breasts would flop down to her sides.  I remember trying to flop them them back onto the ‘top’ where they belonged.  The only way I could get away from her was to satisfy her sexual needs and then run away.  I would be so mean to her to make her leave me alone.

SP6 Recap:  Mentally Taxing relationship number two.  This was just not a good relationship.  Sex was good, but no relationship.

SP6 Sidenote – Throughout the years, SP6 and my paths would cross quite often.  She seemed to always show up wherever I was and ultimately we would have sex – no strings.  I was very adamant that it was just sex. She seemed to always go back to being psycho and we wouldn’t see eachother for several years.
Why I would always run back to that, I will never know.
SP6 called me out of the blue this very year and seemed very stuck in the past.  She was recalling the ‘fun’ (?) that we had in the early days and wanted to see if it was okay to come see me.  I suggested that it wasn’t a good idea but I really was afraid that she would come by.  She never did.