In looking at my current situation, I have to look back at my life. Mostly this is to see if I can see a pattern or to see if I can see possible reasons for my current situation.

Around this time I moved into an apartment with another co-worker who had a regular girlfriend. Even with having a girlfriend, masturbation was still a regular occurrence. It didn’t help that I would listen to my roommate and his girlfriend going at it and I would masturbate to their noises. A bonus would be her walking to the kitchen to get a drink wearing little or nothing. One night, she walked into the kitchen where I was – with a raging hard-on from listening to them. She saw me, saw the hard-on and although acted surprised, didn’t run away – just smiled. I still remember that smile to this date. My roommate cheated on her and I couldn’t look her in the face any longer. It really started what was to be the ending of that apartment.
At work, I opened up another restaurant and like all restaurants – the party was always going on after work. It was around this time that I started doing cocaine. Drinking and coke went hand in hand. One night was the ‘Naked Hot Tub Party’. There was a waitress who was holding the party. I had known her for a while and we had been playful. She was about eight years older than I was and she was dating a high school friend of MY older brother. That night got crazy, needless to say and we ended up screwing all night – all over her apartment. I woke up that next morning to a phone call. Current girlfriend (SP2) was trying to find me – apparently I had called her several times during the night to try to get her to come join the party. Smartly, she had not. I remember SP3 answering the phone – totally asleep. She said “Who? Let me see if he’s here” then rolled over and handed me the phone. Nice. Girlfriend was not pleased. New partner thought it was funny and rolled over and we made love again. While sleeping off our hangovers – someone started banging on the door. We both thought it was her boyfriend, I seriously contemplated jumping from the third floor window. I honestly hid in the closet. She answered the door and I couldn’t hear what was going on but could tell it was another girl. They beelined towards the closet looking for something. It was another employee looking for her expensive panties that were in the closet – where I was. The funny thing is that this person became a partner later in life (SP5) – we always laughed at that. This incident pretty much ended the relationship with SP2 (can’t blame that) and SP3 just became drunk/coke sex when it was convenient for both us. She wanted it to be more, and I was convinced I could do better.  She had large breasts but I had never known that because of the uniforms at work.  That was a great surprise, and maybe foreshadowed what would become a recurring factor in my choices in women for a while. This was my first relationship where I would question the sanity of the other person.  She would freak out about things, either thinking that I was sleeping around or upset if I didn’t call her back.  Sex became rougher and more aggressive – not in a good way.  It was the first time that I remember NOT having sex with someone who wanted me to.  The funniest story that I remember is that we had sex one night and in the morning she came back from the bathroom and laughed and said ‘What, did someone slaughter a deer?” – she was having her period obviously and the white sheets were no longer white.  I still remember that saying and moment.

SP3 Recap: She was a little too mental for me at that time.  The drinking and drugs were starting to take their toll as well.