Frustrated at Forty

It’s a Friday night.  The weekend.  Your period ended early in the week.  Chances are pretty good that we’re going to have sex.   I get home and the proverbial shit hits the fan.  Obviously nothing I am doing is making  you happy and you are quite vocal about that.  Between us fighting, the kids fighting – not looking like a good night.
I go to the office and try to work on some bills and you stay watching tv and drinking more wine.  When it’s time for bed, the kids are surprisingly sleepy and go to bed almost on time.  I try asking you about your day, the weekend plans, etc – because I really would like to know what’s going on in your life.  You don’t say anything of value and say it’s time for sleep.  You pretty much demand that I come to bed with you anyway.  I’m thinking that angry, drunk sex is better than none at all.  I made a round though the house making sure everything is locked and come back to bed.  I strip down and crawl up next to you.  The smell of booze that is oozing from your pores is not exactly a turn-on.  I hold onto your hands and….
And…. you’re out.  Out like a light.  There are times when you are like this that I honestly feel like I should take advantage of the situation.  I don’t necessarily mean forced sex – but a little bit of humiliation could be justified to show how out of it you are.  I think of masturbating into your face and hair.   Maybe just over your top.  Something that would still be there in the morning and would maybe make you realize that there’s a problem here.  I think about this but decide it’s not proper.  What if the kids saw you first?
I go back to the office, turn on the computer and finish some work.
When I went back to the room to go to sleep – opening the door brought a brand new definition of stench to mind.  I felt that if I lit a match – the whole room would explode from the fumes.  I crawled into bed and tried to stay as far on my side of the bed as I could.
The morning came and I woke before you did.  The smell was not as bad and the heat from the sun shining into our windows make it warm enough that you had kicked the covers off.  You were wearing a slightly sheer cotton top.  Looking at you sleeping, looking kind of cute made me happy that I didn’t follow through with my idea from last night.  You started stirring and moved up into you to say good morning.  You were surprisingly happy for what I had expected to be a headachy morning for you.  You were also usually friendly so early and quickly had my shorts off.  I was starting to get very hard while you stripped out of your night clothes.  Your breath was atrocious – but you wouldn’t let me kiss you – I think you knew.  You pushed my kissing lips down to your chest and I happily stroked and kissed you.  While I was busy doing that your hand found my penis and directed it inside you.  You were slightly moist, but as always, I could tell that this was going to be another one of ‘those’ encounters where you were not into it as much as I was.  Again, it’s better than nothing so I rolled you on top of me.
I was hoping that this would allow you to control the excitement level for yourself a bit more.  I really should have reached over for some lubrication from your drawer.  Oh right.  You moved it out of the drawer for some stupid reason.  Having you on top gave me wonderful access to your chest.  I concentrated less on my penis and a whole lot on your nipples and that perfect spot between your breasts for my face.  For a brief  minute I realized that there was a chance that you would come as well.  I thought a bit too much about it and came.  I tried to stay inside of you and when you rolled off of me I tried to get you back into the groove with my finger.  You used the excuse that our daughter was the door.  She wasn’t.
I attempted to keep you in the bed so that we could talk more about the weekend – you were pretty adamant about getting out of bed.
I tried talking about last night – you denied that you had been drinking so much and you were ‘just tired’.
I really wish we could have a discussion about this.