Frustrated at Forty

In looking at my current situation, I have to look back at my life. Mostly this is to see if I can see a pattern or to see if I can see possible reasons for my current situation.

Disclaimer – my recollection of the SP order in this series is hindered by my alcoholic and drug induced haze.

I used to ride my bike a lot in those days and would often ride to the night club during the day to do paperwork, make calls, etc.  I had scheduled an interview with someone but had forgotten about it.  I rode up on my bike and was told that someone was waiting for me.  I remember her wearing a bright, cobalt blue outfit and looking very nice.  I went to the back and gave myself a spongebath in the sink.  It wasn’t right to interview all stinky.  She was very attractive – blonde hair, suntanned – like a California girl.  We had been working on a promotion with a beer company, the radio station and traveling to see concerts in other cities.  This girl would be perfect for the promotion.  Sad thing was that the promotion didn’t start for a while and she wasn’t willing to wait until then.  I hired her at a time that we didn’t need anybody – just to keep her for the promotion.  Needless to say, I did not make friends with my employees.  They were not nice to her and I had to defend my decision almost nightly with everyone.  Finally the promotion started and she kicked ass.  She knew just how much skin to show to get the tips and she worked it.  She would flirt with me and when given opportunities with me – never took them.  I knew that she had gone out after work with some of the regulars.  She had a boyfriend that sadly I had known since grammar school.  She was supposed to only work for the summer and part of the promotion involved me getting a trip to use as well.  I chose to take her – even asked her boyfriend if it would be okay.  I honestly had planned for nothing to happen – two beds.  Keep it simple.  We went with the couple that had won the promotion.  Her drinking surpassed mine, something that again, I should pay more attention to as it will bite me on the ass later in life.  We actually made it through the whole trip without anything more than hand-holding.  When we got back into town, we made out for a few hours.  We discussed it more and decided to take the next step.  The repercussions were pretty harsh in that her parents were not into me and they liked her boyfriend.  She was to return to college and she left.  We said that we’d continue our relationship and we tried – phone calls would become less.  She found someone new, actually she found several new guys.  We said we’d try to continue.  I would continue to try to call and when I went to the city where she was going to school, I would call to see if we could meet.  I remember a few trips where she wouldn’t return a call at all.  One day in future, I saw her at a show I was doing.  She was drunk and the ‘friend’ she was there with wasn’t taking care of her.  I helped her, and got a new number.  I made a trip to her college town, mostly out of despair from my other relationships and finally met with her.  We meshed again – really quickly.  We decided to start seeing eachother and figured that we could make a long-distance relationship work.  We did.  I would go to her town or she would come to mine and we would take trips every now and then.  I was not doing as much cocaine at the time and my stamina had returned.  Although the visits were still somewhat frequent – we would take full advantage of them by having sex pretty much day and night.  Four, five, six times a day – no problem!  Somewhere I have videos of some of our sexcapades.  I remember watching them later in life and was amazed at what we did!  We even purchased an old doctor’s bag and kept chains, wrist and ankle restraints.  Eventually we were in the same city and moved in together.  Living together meant that we were around eachother more, and the sex tapered off a bit, but was pretty much a nightly occurrence.